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Illflower [userpic]

Confuzzledness, slightly tipsy and a crappy sketch thingy.

April 26th, 2008 (02:36 am)

current mood: drunk

It's really strange but I wonder why I'm equally baffled every time someone shows an interest in sleeping with me... I'm not complaining, sex is nice, it's just... why me? Why is it that there are people, who are quite good looking, who actually think that "Hmm, now who should I go home with? Oh, why not that kind of odd looking thing." I mean... I'm not pretty! I know this, I've never been pretty and in all likelyhood never will be either. (This is not something that I'm too bothered by, I'd rather have a good brain than a pretty body and face anyways.) Still... I can't quite get my head around it...
Ah well... To get to the point; I can't sleep. I'm tired without being sleepy if you understand what I mean. (...and my bed is full of sleeping person.) So I've been seizing the moment and using the poor boy as a free croquis model. (Poverty knows no shame. ^.^) Anyway... I'm a little tipsy so it's not very good... he just quite pretty and I'm bored... so I thought I'd share.

Hmmm... maybe I should try to sleep after all, so I can actually get some stuff done tomorrow. Ok... so this is just a crappy little charcoal sketchy thing. Enjoy... I'll just browse about a bit then return to bed. Goodnight.

Oh, I almost forgot! I might be moving into a new flat soon. A proper 2 room one with a bath, a balcony and my very own kitchen. In a rather pretty area with view over a lake and a woodland type area. I don't know yet if the contract'll go to me but I hope it will... anyways; YAY! ^_^

Sketch thingyCollapse )

Illflower [userpic]


April 23rd, 2008 (08:56 am)

current mood: cheerful

A4, Ink.

(I'm still coughing a lot but I'm feeling much better now. ^_^)

Illflower [userpic]


April 15th, 2008 (02:25 pm)

current mood: ill

I've somehow caught The Flu of Doom which makes swallowing and breathing feel as though my throat is full of razorblades, my head hurts as though something is living in it, my body's amazingly sore and I've got a fever of around 40 degrees, shivers with a fun extra of nausea and dizziness.

So, getting to the point, anyone has any good tips for making me feel less ill?

Illflower [userpic]

Dance of the seven veils / Salome

April 13th, 2008 (08:08 pm)

current mood: depressed

Ink and gold, A4. I'm not sure If I'm very happy with it... but nevermind.

Illflower [userpic]

"Woman on the train" (sketch) / Depression stuff.

April 7th, 2008 (07:02 pm)

current mood: depressed

Little over a week ago I went to Stockholm because Versailles were having a concert (Which, by the way, was absolutely lovely.) and, as anyone who's had the misfortune of travelling with me will know; I can get quite bored on trains, so on the way up there I was sketching people around me. (On the way back I was attempting to draw people I'd seen at the concert and so on... with varying results. But that's another story.) Anyway... here's one of the sketches... (Ok, so she was wearing a normal shirt and coat and I may have made her hair look a little tidier than it actually did but we're allowed some artistic freedom.) I'm quite tempted to use her in something because she was pretty. The sketch itself is so-so but it was drawn on a train (that's my excuse at least).

Now, other matters... I'm on my way down into another bout of depression and I know exactly where this is heading and it's not fun. The world is not a nice place for me right now.
So far I've been attempting to stave it off and hide it as best possible... I can tell that's not going to be an option for very long. So now I'm going to go away, hide under a blanket and think a bit more on what a cunt I am. (Pardon the language.) Bye for now.

Illflower [userpic]

Regina Caeli

April 3rd, 2008 (10:18 am)

current mood: grumpy

Something I'm working on, it's in oil.
(Tsk... I need to clean my flat... it's officially a mess. -_-;)

Illflower [userpic]

Writer's Block: Where in the World...

April 2nd, 2008 (06:52 pm)

If you were independently wealthy, where in the world would you live and how would you spend your time?

I would either move back to the Cambridge area, or Öland and I'd definitely spend my days painting. Mmmm.... I really do wish I was independently wealthy. Heh.

Illflower [userpic]

Ahem.... *cough*

March 28th, 2008 (06:33 pm)

current mood: blah
current song: The revenant choir, Versailles

What can I say... I'm awful, I haven't posted in over a year.
So, what's new?
Not a lot really... I've been drawing and painting as usual. Other than that I've been only slightly less hermit-like than usual. (Focus on the "slightly", I'm still spending most of my time either reading/writing art-history thingies or at home reading and painting. What can I say, I live in a less than nice area... but I doubt I could afford a flat as light and painting-friendly as this one otherwise. Ah well.)
Anyways... my brain is a post-exam mess at the moment but I'll post a little picture. A prophetess, I haven't really thought of a good name for it.

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Ink, A4.

Illflower [userpic]


March 1st, 2007 (11:32 pm)
current song: Ange Parle Moi - Mylène Farmer

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It's ink and gold. Size is approximately 16x16 cm.

Illflower [userpic]

On artists.

February 19th, 2007 (10:35 am)

current mood: pondering

It's a fools game, you know. Being an artist.
What sensible human being would do this for a living?

I recently got paid for a 40"x50" oilpainting. £500. Upon mentioning it to an aquaintance she said "You've got it good haven't you? You get loads of money just like that."
Then I thought about it for a while... I deducted the cost of materials (paints and canvas... I didn't count brushes, turps, sketchpaper or pens) then I took the remaining sum and split it up per hour I spent working on this painting. Turns out I made so far below minimum wage it's not even funny.
It's weird that a certain type of person is so very quick to begrudge artists the money they make. Whereas artists, ofcourse, are just plain fools.
So why do we do it? Why do we paint/draw/sketch?
Ofcourse I can only speak for myself here but to me it's like breathing... I do it without thinking. I'm willing to do pretty much anything to keep doing it, so the fact that one makes a laughable amount of money from it is secondary.
...I suppose that just means I am a fool...
So we return to the beginning; It is indeed a fools game.

Illflower [userpic]

The Dog.

January 30th, 2007 (10:00 pm)
current song: Beethoven - Fifth symphony, First movement

My feet touch the ground ever so lightly. The glow that surrounds me from the sunset makes the world glow as if dipped in honey. I slip out of my robe and as it slides to the ground I, too become covered in the sun-honey. I shudder as crisp air envelope every inch of my body and make the downy hairs rise.
I walk, I rise, I dance like the sea. I am all consuming. I am a fiery sun, those that embrace me turn to ash in my arms and yet I do not even stop to look at the charred bones that are left in my path.
My blood has turned to electricity and I convulse in orgasmic pleasure.

The deafening noise of silence overwhelms me.… then the voices come.
At first whispering, encouraging.
“Just a little further.”
“Go on, taste it.”
Then forcefully.
“Do it, do it, do it!”
“It’s the only way forward.”
“You can’t go back now.”
Now they blend together into a cacophony of threats and pleading… Nearly as deafening as the silence that came before
I obey and taste the air in big gulping breaths. What else can I do?

It is both bitter and sweet; it tastes of life and death. It is fire and ice; it is the breath of gods.
I know if I can just taste a little more I’ll be free… I’ll win; I’ll have the glory that always hovers at the edge of my vision. I laugh with lungs filled to the brim with golden air.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
I twitch at the bark, I cower and whimper. It is the voice that guards the gate.
The watchdog.
The chain.

I look for ways around the dog and find none, I tear at the chain and it grows tighter around my neck.
But I put the chain around my own neck and the dog belongs to me. I could lock the dog away; I could remove the chain and dive head first into the glowing, burning sky and let myself melt and merge into it.…
But I fear the metamorphosis I ache for, the prize I must inevitably pay for daring to taste the gods.
So here I’ll remain, naked, cold, staring into the eyes of the dog.

Illflower [userpic]

Everything moves

January 25th, 2007 (02:16 pm)

current mood: tired
current song: Ange, Parlez moi - Mylene Farmer

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Ink and aquarelle 10"x12" I rather like this picture.

Illflower [userpic]

"The artist and the dandy"

December 27th, 2006 (12:26 pm)
current song: Metamorphose - Lareine

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A friend came over to join me for a few drinks though I was still finishing off some work so he was kept waiting and smoking as I did so. I caught a glimpse of us in the mirror and it looked quite charming so this is the result.

It's in ink and should probably be classified as essentially a "doodle".

Illflower [userpic]


December 27th, 2006 (12:14 pm)
current song: Veris leta facies - Orff (O Fortuna)

I've decided to say a thing or two about some of my work here.

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This is a commission I made some time ago for the menu for a special dinner held by a very lovely lady. (She was even kind enough to invite me, but I was unfortunately far too busy.) It's done in ink and I must confess I'm more than a little pleased with how her face came out. It's quite simple due to the nature of the commission.

Illflower [userpic]


July 6th, 2006 (12:49 am)

... I know, I know... I've barely started and here I am taking a short break already. Utterly shameful of me.
The reason for my disappearing is A/ that my "dear" scanner is still refusing to behave itself and B/ because I am rather busy packing all of my belongings into boxes. (Ah, leaving Cambridge... how sad.) So the plan is that I'll more or less disappear until I've settled down and moved myself into a new flat.

Illflower [userpic]

Ah, well.

June 10th, 2006 (08:44 pm)

Still no scanner, I fear, so I thought I might display two photographs instead.

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"The Wren Library"

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"Lifting up your skirt"

Illflower [userpic]

Well, well, boys and girls and anyone in between.

May 31st, 2006 (12:02 am)

current mood: creative
current song: Fur Elise, Beethoven

This is, as I'm quite sure I've already stated, my creative journal...

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